my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
