dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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