I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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