I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
