I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
