hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
