I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
