bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
