he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
