im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
