You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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