i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
