if i can run in heels then i can drive
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
