and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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