Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
