I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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