I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
