also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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