I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
