Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
