What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
His nipple licking is glorious
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