Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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