im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
