nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
