I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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