I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize