I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
