Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
