i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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