beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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