I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
