I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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