i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
