I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize