I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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