I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
