He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
