Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
