Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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