I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
