Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
