Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
