SEEEEXXX PLEASE
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize