halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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