was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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