Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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