That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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