I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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