remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
