Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
