Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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