Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
