Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
