I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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