He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
