can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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