How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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