We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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