i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
