Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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