Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
