My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
