she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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